Lovestoned

DRUNKEN HOOK-UPS
By Rebecca Hilling

There’s nothing like the morning, or should I say afternoon, after a long night filled with crazy partying that you barely remember. The best part of the experience is, without a doubt, remembering all the little details that you wish you could forget.

I call this the ‘morning after round table.’

You sit around with your friends laughing hysterically at yourself and at them for every stupid thing you did the night before. Then you realize that there’s a video floating around of you dancing and singing to the Backstreet Boys. You log onto Facebook only to find that the adorable picture of you flying on a broomstick with a lampshade on your head and a tablecloth wrapped around your waist is already tagged in all of your friends’ albums. Oh, but wait, it’s not over yet. Apparently you picked the ugliest guy in the room as your make-out partner. Nice.

Now the morning after hangover can finally settle in.

The morning after hangover can very well include more than a bad headache and an upset stomach. In fact, the ‘drunken hook-up hangover’ can last much longer and include harsher side effects, like the downfall of your pride and reputation.

As a self-appointed expert in the field of promiscuous intoxication, I have identified 10 types of drunken hook-ups that will hopefully allow you to properly identify and handle your own appropriately.

1. The Accomplishment: Typically the guy that every girl wants. But last night, he was yours, and you’ve got no problem flaunting it. If you can stand up straight, be sure to take some pictures. This is a night that you won’t want to forget!

2. Called It: The guy your friends all knew you wanted, but that you didn’t know you wanted. Girl, it’s time to start listening to your friends, because they know what they’re talking about. The chemistry is just there, and it’s unavoidable.

3. Random: This is the guy that leaves you saying, ‘Where did that come from?” Maybe you’ve never met or maybe you have. Either way, you don’t really care. It came out of no where, and it doesn’t go anywhere. These kind of hook-ups are stress-free and easy.

4. The Clinger: Avoid at all costs, if possible. To The Clinger, you are The Accomplishment, and he does not want to let you go! If you can tell right away, don’t give him your number. He’ll already be sending you messages on Facebook and Myspace, phone calls would just make it worse. The positive side, you’ve just become a heartbreaker.

5. Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda: This is the sweetest, sexiest, coolest guy you’ve ever met. Unfortunately, due to your intoxicated ways the night before, the morning after leaves you saying, “Damn, I shoulda got his number.” But, what can you do. Destiny called, and you missed your cue. Don’t worry, they’ll be others.

6. Friends with Drunk Benefits: The epitome of awkward. Close friends outside the party scene, and a little too close at the party. You’re best friend boundaries tend to get broken when you’re on the drunk side, but when sober, the actions of the night before are avoided. Everything goes back to the best friend norm. Just remember, a drunk mind speaks a sober heart.

7. What Were You Thinking?: This is what your friends will be saying to you. Simply respond in, “Why didn’t you stop me?” This is the ‘ugliest guy in the room make-out partner’ that I was talking about. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone has a story like this, but it may take you some time to get over it.

8. It Was Bound to Happen: This is the guy that you’ve been flirting with since you met him, but it’s just never happened. Well, now it has. Where does it go from here? It is what you make of it, but most drunken hook ups are destined to fail as relationships.

9. I Wanna Date You: This is the guy you’ve been dying to date. And now that you’ve got your drunk cap on, you’ve just professed your love. Of course, he’ll take advantage of your love-stricken self because, well, you don’t know the difference. It usually doesn’t end the way you planned.

10. The Start of Something Good: This is the luck of the draw. It is seldom that a girl finds her Mr. Right after a drunken hook-up, and those who do are envied. You’ll know when you’ve got it. It’s comfortable, easy, and fun. What else could a girl want?

While your ‘drunken hook up hangover’ may not be cured by your newfound awareness of the top ten things, or boys, you’re bound to do, it may slightly diminish by knowing that girls everywhere are experiencing the same thing.

For now, a toast for good drinks and good fortune.

Here’s to a “second date” with your Accomplishment, letting your friends call the shots, and not running into The Clinger. May your nights be long, your mistakes small, and your mornings be filled with laughter.

It’s the nights you don’t want to remember that lead you to the mornings with the friends you’ll never forget.